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You love your children equally, so choosing both of them to manage your trust may seem like the fairest option. However, sharing an inheritance and sharing the responsibility of managing it are two different things. Here’s how to choose an arrangement that works for your family without making the decision a reflection of your love. Read more...
You look at the space for a name and pause. You have two children, and both are important to you. You don’t want either one to feel overlooked. So why not name them both?
That instinct comes from love. Choosing a trustee—the person or institution responsible for managing your trust—shouldn’t feel like ranking your children. When I help you make this decision, I look beyond the names on the document. We consider your family relationships, what you own, the other people involved in your plan, and what you want your wealth to make possible. Then we discuss what the role requires and who is prepared to take it on.
Your children can receive equal inheritances without having identical responsibilities. They can also serve together successfully when the arrangement fits their abilities and includes clear rules. What matters is whether the people you choose can carry out your wishes when decisions need to be made.
Estate Planning Awareness Week is a timely reminder to look beyond whether you have a trust and consider whether the people you’ve chosen are prepared to carry out their roles.
This article focuses on choosing a successor trustee—the person who takes over when you can no longer serve or after your death. That person needs to understand the trust’s instructions, locate its assets, keep records, and communicate with the people entitled to information. Depending on the circumstances, they may also need to maintain property, oversee investments, and arrange for tax filings.
A trustee is a fiduciary: someone who must manage entrusted property for the benefit of the people the role serves, rather than for personal convenience. The trust and applicable law define the trustee’s responsibilities. This role involves real work; it is not simply an honorary title.
Your oldest child is not automatically the best choice. Neither is the child with the highest salary or the one who lives closest. Those factors may be worth considering, but they don’t tell you whether someone follows through, handles disagreements calmly, or seeks qualified help when facing an unfamiliar decision.
Consider these practical questions:
Someone who loves you may still feel that this role isn’t right for them. Give them the chance to be honest before you name them. A willing backup may be more helpful than a first choice who feels obligated to accept responsibilities they cannot manage.
The bottom line: Choose a trustee based on their ability to handle the responsibilities, not as a reward for being your child.
You might imagine one child managing the finances while the other takes care of the house. That division can work, but it needs to fit the trust’s terms and legal requirements. An informal agreement to split the work does not automatically remove either trustee’s responsibilities.
Co-trustees serve at the same time. A successor trustee takes over when the conditions in the trust are met, and you can name more than one person to serve together in that role. Naming your daughter first and your son as her backup is different from naming both of them to act at once.
Before choosing co-trustees, consider how they will make decisions. Must they both agree? Can either one handle routine matters? What happens if one is unavailable? The answers depend on your trust and the law that applies, so there is no universal rule that two trustees always need two signatures.
Some trusts and state laws allow a majority of co-trustees to make a decision. But if two trustees disagree, there is no majority. That is why allowing them to vote does not solve every disagreement.
Imagine a trust-owned house needs a $12,000 repair before it can be sold. One child wants to approve the repair immediately, while the other wants another estimate. Neither position is unreasonable. Without a clear process for making the decision, however, a routine expense could turn into a personal disagreement while the property continues to cost money.
The bottom line: If your children will serve together, your plan should include clear rules for cooperation, absences, and disagreements.
Imagine your children sitting across from each other after your death. One is responsible for following the trust’s instructions for distributions. The other is asking when money will be available. Their relationship now includes a financial responsibility it did not have before.
That does not mean a child should never serve as trustee or beneficiary. It means you should consider the pressure the arrangement may create. Your family’s history does not disappear simply because everyone signs a document.
I would rather help you talk through that pressure now than assume your children will work it out while they are grieving. If one child already manages family responsibilities and the other resents feeling supervised, giving them joint authority could reinforce a pattern you hoped to avoid.
There are several arrangements to consider:
None of these options is automatically right for every family. Professional trustees charge fees and may have requirements before accepting the role. A relative may bring personal knowledge but need outside help. Co-trustees can offer different strengths, though working together takes time.
Ask prospective professionals about their fees, what assets they will accept, and how they communicate. Ask relatives what support they would need. You are choosing an arrangement that needs to work, not simply filling in a blank.
The bottom line: Giving your children different responsibilities can be an act of care. It does not mean you love one more than the other.
Suppose you choose the right person but never tell them. They find out they have been named after you’ve had a hospital stay, and they’re faced with accounts they cannot identify and instructions they have never read. You made a choice, but they have not had the chance to prepare.
Your successor trustee does not necessarily have authority right away. The trust determines when they step in and what must happen first. I help you understand those conditions so your family knows that being named does not always mean someone is already authorized to act.
Your trustee also does not automatically control everything you own. The role generally concerns property held in the trust. Other assets may require an agent, executor, beneficiary, or another authorized person to act. That is why the different legal roles need to be coordinated.
Create a secure starting point that explains where to find your current trust, asset information, and professional contacts. You do not need to give everyone access to every account. The appropriate people should know whom to contact and how to find the information they are authorized to receive.
When we discuss your choice of trustee, I look at the whole picture: your family relationships, the assets involved, and the professionals who may help. Together, we can consider what support the person you choose will need.
It can also help to explain the reason behind your choice. Saying, “I chose your sister because she agreed to handle the administration, and I arranged professional support,” gives your children more clarity than leaving them to guess why one name appears first.
The bottom line: Your choice is more likely to work when the person understands the role, knows when their authority begins, and can find the right help.
Your child may be an excellent choice today but need to step aside later. A move, illness, demanding job, or change in family relationships can affect what they are able to take on. That is why it is important to consider your backup choices as carefully as your first choice.
An ongoing Personal Family Lawyer® relationship gives you an opportunity to revisit these decisions as your circumstances change. When your family needs guidance, they have someone familiar with your plan and the reasons behind your choices.
The bottom line: Keeping your decision-makers prepared is an ongoing part of caring for your family, not something that ends when your trust is signed.
Ask each person you are considering whether they would be willing to serve, then write down one concern about the arrangement. Bring those answers and your existing documents to a planning conversation. Do not add a second trustee simply to avoid an uncomfortable discussion.
As a Personal Family Lawyer firm, I help you create a Life & Legacy Plan that protects what you built while preparing the people you love to receive it with clarity and purpose. The relationship doesn’t end when the documents are signed. When something happens, your family knows to call me.
Your family’s future deserves thoughtful planning. At The Catorce Group, we take the time to understand what matters to you and help you create an estate plan that reflects your wishes.
Ready to talk about your options? Schedule a 15-minute discovery call. We’d be happy to help.